Day 54-56: Weekend tremors... Part II

This weekend, Shorty screwed up. So bad that I feel as though trusting him would be hella naive....

On Friday, we were at some event together and hotdamn did he look good. So good that he made my outfit look wack! Lol! This is crazy. Anywho, some chick in her short shorts, heels and curly-sue braids was clearly hollering at him. Pulling him by the hand. Grinding on him. Now this brought back memories of my MBA ex at the Wordsworth Party People last year. That night really changed the vibe of our thang or rather, more accurately, I woke up and finally read the 'IT'S BEEN OVER' sign. [Which would explain why I ain't keen to holla back at him coz it took me a minute to get over his stunts.] Technically, I couldn't get mad coz we were glorified friends with benefits. He couldn't or rather wouldn't deal with having a 'girlfriend' and having to be responsible for someone else's feelings' [insert a blood curdling 'HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU' here!]

So yeah, I knew as much and to see deja-vu in action in broad-daylight, I was about to have a BF for real. Armed with liquid courage, I pulled him to the side and asked him wtf with sheer vindication on the outside and sheer dread on the inside.

I half-expected him to tune that he ain't gotta explain nothin to me. He saved me the embarrassment but his dismissive reaction was equally as icy. 'Don't worry about that. That's what people do around here!'

Ya neh! Next thing, he's gone off somewhere and this new Miss Thang is also MIA! [Plus, I'm left to babysit his friend who was hella cute, might I add. Chocolate skin and all... But Shorty got me checkin for nobody else really....] My blood began to boil... Mind you, I gots to go home with this nigga.... Aaaaaargh! Typical!

When he finally returned he claimed to be getting some takeaways for his fam. I was hella sceptical.... But then he smiled at me reassuringly... And when he touched me, I melted like a gullible fool. We drove home in some Adele-fied ambience (he liked my gift, he was hella floored that I got him the album for his bday) and our parting shot was our SECOND kiss. About dam time! Lol. This is a lot of work.

The following day, the plan was to hit yet another gig but my cousin's parents' pending divorce had her in a state so she wasn't about to come out. Lil Sis figured I should tell Shorty to come get me. I hate asking for such stuff. Being the typical chic, waiting to be picked up by her man. I've never wanted my own ride so badly! Needless to say he didn't respond to my text or calls. I was livid all the way into Sunday morning when he finally called.

He had some or other excuse. And to distract me, he also mentioned how one of my fellow interns, cornered him on Saturday night, telling him that he must tell me what he really wants. Huh!? Dude! I had not even sent her. Not impressed coz I doubt it came from a genuinely compassionate space. She was on some sabotage tip. Or am I paranoid!? It's jus hella strange. Anyway... He promised to make it up to me by coming over, after dropping off his lil sister, in the afternoon.

The afternoon came and went, my excitement came and went... and during the cricket just when we thought SA was about to be handed her ass in a nail-biting Pro-20 game, he finally called or rather drunk-dialled me. Fun! And again, I couldn't be mad. Fuuuuuuuuck! But I did try state my case. He said he'd make it up to me....um...make it up to me for failing to make it up it me?! How about no more promises!? "whatever. Clearly I can't trust you." I said, hoping that I hadn't hurt him too much with such piercing words.... Can you believe it?!

I tried to be mad. I tried to state my case.
I tried.
I still feel stoopid. But I still feel him.
If its fucked, so be it. And may it end soon.

Day 41-43: Detox gone wrong...

Last week, my rather ambitious plan to not curse, gossip or mock my fellow mignions backfired badly. Monday went really well but it was really just downhill from there.

On Monday I got away with a single swear word even though I had to deal with those over-bearing numbnuts from class, with all due respect. I still went home im a haze of good feelings. Clearly I was hardly concerned about mocking people coz I laid it out as nicely as I could put it for big eared Brandy who hardly ever has her hair up for those very reasons.... Something had to give I guess and she was the weakest link on Day One of Detox. She may have taken it in the friendly spirit that it was intended but really I may have taken it too far. Luckily we buddies! So not so bad...

Tuesday picked up from where the previous day had left off. I was in the zone until we had to do a recording. I had two whole lines but kept fluffing them. Which brought on some natural choice phrases which only served to increase my frustration. Hence more mistakes. And further cursing.... So Tuesday was a write-off...

Wednesday evoked some cursing of the good kind... Ecstasy has that effect so I couldn't feel bad... By then I had given up on a family friendly vocab week...

As far as gossiping goes... That's all people do... Talk about others... It's remarkable, just how much of that goes on. So my approach was to try not to comment on it or get involved. Just listen, I guess or walk away. I ain't tryna isolate myself which would be the quickest way to not gossip.

So I told my Sunday School kids that it's only gossip if you talk about somebody behind their backs. My ex, who I was helping with his MBA Accounting course, had this quote in mind. "small minds talk about people, medium/average minds talk about events, great minds talk about ideas...'
He figures that talking about ideas would revolve around what makes people act the very way that they do... Instead of discussing the very person that did said action. While the event discussion is just around what took place without focussing on the people that were part of said event. So I'ma share that with my kids.

Shorty and I were supposed to go to a play premiere on Saturday except it's actually on Tuesday. It wasn't until I double checked the invite that I clicked much to my annoyance. He took it well and even went as far as saying, we'll go on Tuesday... Speaking of Tuesday... My previous employer is keen for me to take up the Talent and Artist Rep position... Sorta like your AnR... The interview is on Tuesday and if I get it, it will mean better pay and connects and even travelling... Its all gravy but what about the internship... I'm keen to be on radio... Not to go back behind the scenes... Again I'm banking on faith... Crossroads... My ex's word of the week... Yet again, it's not my plan hey...