Well, maybe it was not so much a magic moment coz I don't think my life changed in that instance but the way I looked at a certain person, changed forever that very night. And for the first time, I admitted it to myself and him. Twas quite profound. Like looking in the mirror. But really looking... Not a passing glance...
On the way home on the Wednesday evening, my car-pool dude had his weekly night lecture. I was keen to get home after an exhausting day which saw Shorty and me ignoring each other. Literally. Dude, twas so crazy that he even ducked into the toilet when he saw me. I followed suite and jumped up from where I was sitting. My heart in my throat as I tried to shake it off! Funny thing, I had just found out when we, the interns, would be going on air so I was hella excited but I couldn't even share that with him. Twas just wack.
If you've ever sat in Joburg traffic, you'll realise that the way to make it go faster is to talk. Well that works for me coz after a day spent at a radio station, I ain't tryna hear more DJ chit-chat or high-rotation singles! So car-pool dude and I often discuss my train-smash of a love-life! No matter how embarrassing, he always gets it out of me. When I've said it all, I'll either pass out or blog! By the time, we're done with that, it's often too dark to study.
This time, I was riding with a family friend (FF). He was dying to know how things been going, especially in the love-life department so I spilled! And he turned around and took Shorty's side. SHOCK-ED! He also said that I should be careful, listening to people that may wanna just sabotage my relationship with Shorty. True. But The Girls couldn't possibly be like the other ruthless Joburg women. That's not their style. At least that's what I think/thought. In his eyes, I should just holla at dude, simply coz I do like him. I was gobsmacked, there's no way I was gonna let my feelings make a fool out of me. They will go away. They must. Needless to say, FF convinced me to holla at Shorty, despite my head screaming OH NO!
The way my heart explained it to my head is that if we gonna end this, let's end it today and if it's gonna be saved then let's stop being mad and just save it. (I must say that I really thought this was it!) But first he must know exactly how I feel... So I call him up... I swear my heartbeat was hella irregular and I thought I might pass out from the anticipation...
Wish I had recorded this telecon so that the following could be a lil more accurate...
Ring Ring [regular amount of rings. He surprisingly didn't make me wait.]
S: Hello
KP: [tentative]Hey..?
S: [equally tentative] Hi..
KP: Um...Can you talk?
S: Yeah, I can...
KP: [icebreaker] Oh crap that sucks. I was hoping you'd be busy and then I could get off the phone and not have this awkward conversation. (nervous giggle)
S: (no laughs) Dude you don't understand how hard my heart is beating right now...
KP: aaaahhh baby, me too... [tears stinging my eyes, yearning to hold him (thru the phone- tnx Soulja Boy)]
There's something I must tell you.
[Momentary amnesia. I collects herself and go through go my mental script... I tell him about that fateful Saturday night when he couldn't take me home so I got picked up. Before we left Rosebank, we headed to MacDee's for some grub. As soon as I walked in through the door, some nigga that actually has a striking resemblance to Shorty, except he's way shorter, hollered at me.
I was not impressed. More annoyed. I had had a long day of election field-reporting and didn't want to have to deal with rejecting some random at 11 PM. Well, this dude was persistent but only because he recognised me. We hooked up back in high-school. In fact, I was dating his friend and we ended up hooking up, behind his buddy's friend. Not cool. But that's what you do when you are in grade nine at a single sex school! You almost live for male attention... Well, I hadn't seen dude since. And here we were exchanging digits. A week later, we bumped into each other, again, near Nino's. Walked him to his car and we spoke about my love-life and it's heavy sexual frustration component. It was not until later that I realised that I shouldn't be discussing such with an ex-flame that still gives me bedroom eyes.
I got punished for it. He tried to kiss me. Tongue down my throat and all! But I pulled away. This cutie who ain't talking about taking it slow, wants me but I push him away. On any other day, any other year, I would've just went with it. Even if it was just for those five selfish, self-indulgent minutes, I would've done it. And simultaneously written off any prospect of my relationship with Shorty...]
KP:... in my head, if I cheat on a guy, it really means that I'm over dude. I'm not expecting much from our 'thing'.I realised three things as a result of that night. One, I really like you. And I really want this to work. Two, if guys are jumping me then girls must be jumping you too. But how are you reacting? [More temporary amnesia.. this time in real time. I can't remember what number three was. Funny coz I nearly forgot it that very night too.] And that would explain why I ain't keen to put a label on us because if we do get hella serious, I'm gonna have to trust you completely. You'll have the right to truly break my heart. All defences down. I'm no good at being vulnerable. I'm very protective of my feelings.
S: I don't wanna lose you. I told you that these groupies mean nothing. [can't remember the rest... at this point I was in a haze...]
Wanna go to a movie?
Bottom line, we ended up seeing Wolverine, the following day. Which actually turned out to be a love story. The new week saw us talking for hours on Monday night, straight into Tuesday morning. He says that he never really talks to people... Which surprised me coz boy, does he have plenty to say. Which suits me just fine because I enjoy hearing about his plans and ambitions. It's inspiring because our dream-book pretty much reads the same way. He left so late that he even missed my 4AM news bulletin. My mom also slept through it... Classy. Impressed with neither.
The irony... We are getting closer through the fighting. It's weird but true. The drama is making us tighter... He actually said that I'm like his third arm... In the moment, it was so sweet but come to think about it, nobody really needs a third arm. In fact, doctors would recommend amputation. So maybe not the best compliment or metaphor... What does it mean anyway? I need you as much as I need an extra limb. Strange. The only time, I've come across that term is when somebody says that their cellphone is like a third arm It's an extension of the self. They can't live without it. It's always there. That's deep...
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