Day 139-153: Untitled.

I've always thought it to be such a cop-out when artists can't just name their products. I've always found the use of the term 'untitled' to be the unnecessary pretence of so called 'depth' within the arts. And here I am, using the very same word. how hypocritical. Truth is, it's been a minute since I last blogged so I finding it difficult to reduce the past fortnight into a silly phrase especially since the 180 Days are drawing to an end. So In spite of my being conscious that I may be thinking emotionally because of my PMS, I now see how artists may feel that a title, in its simple words, fails to honor the experience, whether good or bad. If anything, the words disrespect it by being so shallow. And that's where the depth of thought lies. Well, if writers felt so strongly about everything, they would probably never write. Hence writer's block. The insistence on the perfect translation. And that's why film was created...

That just dawned on me now... Speaking of which... Let's recap... With the radio internship winding down, I'm happy to say I'm creating the best radio of my life. My links are short and punchy and fun and cool... although I gots to work on my um's and er's and slickness... but for the most part, I really believe that I'm sounding better than ever. I even received my first batch of hate mail, thanx to the internet humour surrounding MJ's passing. Now you know what they say, you ain't ish until you've got haters. I've finally relaxed enough to allow the real me to come out through my radio links. And for me that's the biggest accomplishment. I'm hopin that they gimme a proper on-air gig once the internship is over. I'm do my darnest to make it happen. If only there were enough hours in the day because since my new job, my radio endeavours have taken a beating... which makes me wonder... what is it that I really want? Could I possibly be biting of my nose to spite my face? Should I be concentrating on my radio gig especially as the gig draws to an end or concentrate on my new gig because of the latter?

As far as my new job is concerned... I just started at a TV production company on this brand new show. Unlike my previous TV gig... I work on content full-time now. I would prefer to be writing scripts and have far more control over content but they say that will come. Quite a bit goes into a TV show and I'm learning quite a bit. Very exciting to be part of something that has so much potential.

As far as Cutie is concerned... It's plenty deja-vu. Dating without the intimacy and titles. Like where do I meet these 'different' niggas that are commitment-phobic with trunks of baggage? Seriously? Is this God's way of telling me to stay away from the opposite sex. or is the Script-Writer outta ideas? I mean like attracts like... If these niggas be on that tip then clearly I ain't ready for a relationship either but then why am I so convinced of the opposite. How come I feel that I can be with one dude.. and make it work?! And yet I keep hitting a brick-wall by connecting with niggas that make me want to fall in love and be with them when they aren't so keen to do the same... What the hell is going on?

What I do know for sure is that beyond these niggas hold the key to my personal-development... I think... well, I hope... there's gots to be some sorta convoluted reason for all this drama... In which ever capacity. I wouldn't be able to deal with Cutie if I hadn't dealt with Shorty. But maybe I would prefer to not have had to deal with either dude... as much as I love zinging with new dude... I can't stand ll the drama! Can't I just meet a normal dude that digs me back and wants me without any hesitations or a haunting past!? Cumon already!

As far as my career is concerned... I just started at a TV production company on this brand new show. Unlike my previous TV gig... I work on content full-time now. I would prefer to be writing scripts and have far more control over content but they say that will come. Quite a bit goes into a TV show and I'm learning quite a bit. Very exciting to be part of something that has so much potential. And boy are we working hard to unleash it...

what else... I got as ride but I can't drive it coz I don't have a driver's license... lol...come to think of it... it's very much like dating somebody that you can't kiss and you can't call your boyfriend. Imagine all the pent up frustration! Dammit! I ain't about to return my car, instead, I'ma work at getting the right papers... is that how one should deal with Cutie? Get me some papers? the cred? the qualification? Earn the respect perhaps? Show my commitment? mm...