Day 59: Sinful...

Today I auditioned for the newsreader position. And even went to the music committee meeting... Aah something to do... So I was glad to be a little constructive. It beats fighting the urge to pull my hair out. It beats dealing with the funny looks. It beats engaging in long-winded, unproductive skinner sessions. I'm done with that. So much so that it feels as though my brain is turning to mush.

I haven't written an article in so long. And when I do try, I only get as far as trying to apply all the stuff that I've been taught. Instead of applying the instincts of a God-given talent, I'm using my brain. A mind that's been, for the most part, jaded. I'm no longer the writer I was.... Um... Of cos I am but I'm having trouble balancing what comes easiest to me and the awesome lessons I've learnt. Price of immaturity or maybe 'WE DON'T NEED NO EDUCATION!'... Maybe somebody else's lessons are merely that... SOMEBODY ELSE'S... I mean who taught that person and the person before... Sorry I'm sounding like those philosophical stoner rebels without a cause... Not the intention... Just saying though....

Because of Shorty's unavailability, I had planned on going to a movie but he left hella late so I couldn't catch one... As I'm walking past the local watering hole, I see FFB and some other mutual acquaintances. He's keen to keep me company til nine so we hang. His plan is to blunt and get crunk... Not just coz that's what he does on a regular basis but also to lessen his hurt. His aunt aka second mom is literally on her death bed. So he's in a state plus work is hectic.... The timing couldn't be worse. And he ain't so good with sharing those kinda feelings... My heart bled for him.... Even when he was poppin pills... Dude!

I dunno hey... Where the hell am I... Where people are doing drugs... Willy nilly... Like it ain't no thing... Am I gonna become like that? Is this what they call the fast life in Jozi? I ain't keen then...