There are various ways to get over someone. And I think that in the past week I may have exhausted all avenues. Think of a TV game... Let's say Tekken 3... The only game, I've ever really enjoyed playing. Mostly coz I had the biggest crush on the karate kid with the thick red hair and killer abs. His name started with an H and he also rode a motorbike, decked out in tight near gay fitting leather... I know, it's strange, diggin on a computer generated being. But honestly, I hope there's a man out there that looks like that...even a slight resemblance would do. Ok I know... Not the point of this post but one more thing... Wasn't Eddy super suave with his smooth Brazilian ass kickin... Still attracted to his digital sex appeal... And then there's the female him with a slammin body and the hottest tits and naughty smile... Lol wow I'm like a step away from being a Pottin Trekie!
Back to my point... Think of a TV game... Actually Tekken was a bad example but you got to see my perverted side so not a complete waste of time. Think of Donkey Kong... You were steadedly making your way through the stages, with all three lives still in play, only to get to a part in the game with a tricky set up and you end up losing your lives in quick succession. GAME OVER! And no, you don't have a memory card. So you gotta start over.
Getting back to the premise, I figure I may have gone into overdrive too fast too soon in an attempt to purge myself of Lover, after Monday's flooding.
The plan for Tuesday, day 32, was to draw on the get-up-and-go attitude of early Monday morning, before being unceremoniously dumped. Of cos, this was bound to fail coz Lover was to stop by during the day. I was nervous and wondering anxiously if our spark still existed. I figured, if it was dead then I could move on quicker now that the tears have been taken care of. If the opposite was true, then I foresaw more tearful episodes in the future. Not a fan of the latter so with a heavy heart, I hoped for the former. And that's when I sub-consciously started building the walls. I couldn't even just talk to him like I used to. That sucked coz our connection is much more than a two week fling that died of cardiac arrest. So that hurt and without even realising it, I began to plaster the very walls I was building... He was high, tryna cope. I was fighting back tears, tryna perk up.
At the end of it, I handed over my gift- Estelle's Shine 'I SHINE, YOU SHINE, WE SHINE TOGETHER'... more like, 'I CRY, YOU CRY, WE CRY TOGETHER'....and hoped that it was over but not...
I know what I want but it's way too beautiful to be nurtured in a deceitful space and for that reason, the walls went up well into the end of the week. By Friday, I was focussing on work and trying not to think about him or talk about him or even communicate with him all as much in an feeble attempt to build that bridge and get over all of this. But most of all, I was and am determined not to cry. Coz I never wanna return to that place again. Like I told him and as dramatic as it sounds, I thought, I'd die from the heartache. Which is absurd but by day 34, the ultimate way to get over anyone, strolled through the door. Not even my type ie not tall dark and handsome but rather the opposite except for the handsome bit. And a lil chunky but also charming with the cutest smile. Clearly I was sold like any vulnerable person would be. So how many times must I meet somebody else whilst I'm still feeling somebody else. Isn't that merely a transfer of those feelings, from A onto B. Is that legit? Or is that a creative take on the Get-Out-of-Jail free card?
Well, long story short, light-skinned Shorty turned out to be an ass who doesn't look half as interested as im did on Friday or even in the weeks leading up to our official 'I DIGS YOU' talk. His sweet words were all for nought. I have also been flirting up a storm with another half-interested cutie or two so it serves me right. It would be too easy.
So I came clean with Lover about my sheer inability to continue being the other woman. He refuses to let go. Our breaking up on Monday pretty much didn't stick. The plan is to meet up soon. And I'ma stop ordering bags of cement. As for Shorty, he can kiss my sweet behind. And stay away from me coz I ain't tryna curse this week either. Should be hella interesting... I finally sent my demo to some people that work with corporate radio, voice-overs and such... And I'm hoping to start writing soon. I did the show all by myself on Saturday and was not too happy with it. Probably coz I'm hella worried about applying what I've learnt in lectures. Spinning head! RIGHT ROUND! Finally finished my first academic assignment, wish I hadn't spotted but alas... This week, we work hard and work at strengthening my arm. The sling will be coming off in about two weeks. Exciting.
Yesterday, I dreamt I was pregnant... I have a few theories about that... Will unpack those in the next post....
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