Day 54-56: Weekend tremors...

I've never been a fan of the initial stages of THE MAN-WOMAN BOOGIE, simply because everything is so fragile. It's like wearing your heart on your sleeve and hoping that your beau doesn't notice. Two reasons. You don't want him to get freaked out by any slight detection of how hectic your feelings may be. This is not Hollywood! You can't be fallin within 85 minutes. You wanna look cool but not disinterested. You wanna look interested but not psycho. It's plenty juggling. And feelings are bound to get hurt coz at the end of the day, it's a matter of two strangers attempting diplomatic romance.

Shorty takes my breathe away. As cliche as that sounds, he still makes me think before I speak and I'm irrationally worried that he can't possibly dig me at all. Never mind as much as I dig him. In my eyes, I ain't nearly as intoxicating or interesting or beautifully complex and strangely simple as he is. In fact, I don't feel like I'm good enough for him. He can do better. And I wouldn't be surprised if he figures as much. Now the rational me figures that those are clearly the crazy rhetorics of a cupid-struck loser. The Kimora in me knows that he best be in awe of me coz not many niggas are lucky enough to get this close but she says this in a rather meek n not-so-fabulous voice.

Just like a star across my sky/ Just like an angel off the page/ You have appeared to my life/ Feel like I'll never be the same/ Just like a song in my heart/ Just like oil on my hands...

It's so bad, I don't wanna be mad at him for nothing. I'm so whipped. And I'm pissed about it.

Ok anger is not a real emotion so I'm truly fearful of being so into him that when he does disappoint me, I'll hurt so bad. It'll rip at my insides and hang them on a washing line [dunno where that imagery came from...sorry].

The last time I felt this way was early last year with my ex. I was so scared of 'losing' him, I broke up with him twice to halt my over-flowing emotions. It really annoyed me! Or rather made me feel too good. So good it terrified me... If that makes sense...