Cause everybody knows/ That nobody really knows/ How to make it work/ Or how to ease the hurt/ We've heard it all before/ That everybody knows/ How to make it work/ I wish we gave it one more try...
I was hoping that today's blog wouldn't even sniff at Shorty. But alas... Bear with me though. This won't be as long-winded coz I'm just so deflated... Shorty suprised me by 'bumping' into me today... Even 'Alicia Keys' said we suit eachother... That was the good part... My guy friend, whom Miss Thang confided in, is convinced that I'm being played. Not-so-good part! Well, he may have the most complicated love-life, next to mine but I still respect his opinion. I'm well aware just how illogical and irrational emotions can make one, no matter how much one trusts What's-His-Face. My buddy figures that 'There's no smoke without fire!'.... After spending fifty days in the cut-throat setting of Northern Joburg, I know that not everyone is normal. They lie, cheat, steal, screw around to get their way. I also know that you can't trust anybody. Even if that somebody is highly convincing, complete with heavy emotion and threatening remarks. Everyone's on Broadway! Shorty once said he doesn't wanna confront Miss Thang coz it'll turn ugly (like her... Lol). She apparently declared that I better leave her man alone or else... 'Oh, you jus mad coz I'm stylin' on ya!...'
This all makes me think of MacBeth and how ambition turned him into a murderous monster... Is it worth it? I mean, is it worth it to bear the brunt of somebody's determination... Shouldn't I just step out the way?
Back to my point.... There's no smoke without fire? Or is there? Shorty may claim to be the victim of defamation and goodness knows that I would love to believe that with all my heart... But if he is being honest then naturally or even far-fetchedly so, it follows that Jacob Zuma really could be the victim of a heavy conspiracy...? An underground movement that is keen to see him go down. He may not have done anything, even remotely wrong. He may just have gotten in the way of a hectically motivated individual... Can life be that bizarre? Or are the facts that simple... And the truth hardly complicated... Short of calling on a Sherlock Holmes and flipping through some phone records or even Shorty's phone, I have no way of proving anything without becoming psycho myself... I only have my gut feel... Is it worth it to deal with so much drama? Juliette got herself killed coz of it...
Good dude/ Bad night/ Right place/ Wrong time/ In the blink of an eye/ His whole life changed/ If you could feel how my face felt/ You'd know how Mase felt/ Thank God, I ain't too cool for the safe belt...
Last year, Paul cheated, towards the end of our first month together. He kept it up for a few weeks. I only found out a month later. My gut failed me. Atleast that's how I felt. Cheated. Absolutely swindled. Fooled. Stoopid. Hella betrayed. All that security and validation that a woman works so hard to achieve within a relationship, all shattered. Broken as though it never ever existed. As though I had imagined it all. And in many ways, I had. It was all in my inflated head. Hubristic [New word from Grey's lol] coz I thought he was so whipped. I wasn't bothered into paying any real attention to our relationship. I didn't have to work at it much coz I felt that he couldn't be anymore impressed with my persona. Pride comes before a fall hey... Besides I was way too caught up in my job. My relationship amounted to rent-a-friend. Someone that's there to fill up the moments when you aren't working, sleeping, eating, washing up, reading... So maybe my gut didn't fail me. Maybe there was no smoke but a massive fire that I was too self-involved too notice...
I dunno... I really don't coz when I was in it, I really did feel like an active (ok maybe only 60% active) part of the relationship. Because of that balls-up, I'm a lil more cautious... I'm scared that this time, my gut may 'fail' me again. I may be so into this guy that I wouldn't recognise Deception even if he came up and dislocated my other shoulder...
Aaaaaargh! So now what?
No answers there. Footsie-Footsie Boy got a new ride and he's keen to do movies this Thursday... Complete with a ride home... Full steam ahead... I'm hella chaffed, dunno if I'll do it though... My ex has also been 'checkin on me'... Dunno hey... Moved on and moved up... Lol... My long-lost-love-from-another-life-time, Bots-Boy, who I have yet to meet, f-b'd and it turns out that he's been reading my blog... He and other folks too... I know I wrote this so that y'all could read it but really, I'm hella freaked by all the people that do take the time to read this soap-opera. Dankie baie!
I really wish work was more interesting, at the moment so that I could stop writing about men... It makes me feel so flat to be gaaning aan about one and the same subject! But it is what it is/ And the way it is/ Is kinda fucked up!
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